Good Days:Bad Days

We all have them. You know the ones I am talking about. You open your eyes for the first time that morning and you simply know that the day will not be a good one. Today was one of those for me. I could feel the heaviness of my problems weighing greatly on me today. Aren't all of our problems relative though? Seriously, I don't have "dumb ass" cancer like my friend Wendy. (you'd have to read her blog to understand) I get up every morning on my own. My kids are healthy. I am not wondering where my next meal will come from. (well, not yet anyway...haha) I know you get my meaning. Things could be much worse for me but now, for today, I am allowing myself to have my own pity party! I am not sure what good will come of it but I am having it nonetheless!

So hear I sit with tears flowing down my face for no other reason except life's most current turn of events. I am not quite sure what the tears will get me except dry eyes but I can't seem to turn them off tonight......

incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result. Also known as irony. If my situation is not the epitome of this, I don't know what is. Seriously, who out there saw this coming? If you did, be smart and keep quite or I will hunt you down for not telling me! I distinctly remember asking The Man upstairs why my father contracted prostate cancer and why he went through so much pain and why such a good man was given so many crosses to bare. I remember watching him lying there in so much pain all he could do was grimace. He never complained nor did he ever ask "why me"? Instead he would muster up a smile or some wise ass remark to make the rest of somber idiots laugh. I remember him throwing Kennedy up in the air and catching her 2 days after surgery and loving every minute of it. Why am I rambling about this? It is because for the first time I realize a reason why my dad endured with grace what many of us could not. It was to show possibly only me, the value of perseverance and strength during the worst of times. I learned a great deal about those two things watching him fight the cancer. There are other things that were purposeful of his illness but they had nothing to do with me.

I wonder if later in life if I will look back at my time on the "ROH" and find any good or happy thoughts? The dark cloud that lingers over this place for me is thick with disdain. It represents such a dark time in my life. My father died. My marriage crumbled the rest of the way down it's rocky path and my kids were taken from me......these are the thoughts I take with me tonight...hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day but I guess that choice is mine. Is it really true that we "choose" to be happy or sad? Somehow I don't think I buy that one.