Sense & Nonsense

Well, here I sit yet again, thinking about the turn of events in my life. I wonder if this is what is meant when all the " well-doers" tell you the infamous phrase "that which does not kill you only makes you stronger".....bla bla bla. I think I may seriously slug ( actually fist punch) the next person who utters those words of encouragement.......OK, well maybe not that extreme but if that statement is true, I am mo&&*r f*c%$8n Hercules!! There was one point I actually thought I was dying and probably in some dark place in my mind wished I was. The undescribable pain of learning that you will be arrested and thrown in jail for simply taking your kids off a rock of hell and that it was all initiated by someone you "trust" ( I use that term loosely, but I did trust him with the kids) So there I sat on a plane for 10+ hours back to California with my life in complete upheaval and uncertainty, comforted by strangers.

That is the one thing that has been uplifting in this non-sensical (is that a word) snippet in my life.........the ability of complete strangers to carry us in times of hardship. Two women held me as I sobbed uncontrollably on the plane taking off from San Juan. I begged the flight attendants to stop and let me off but I lost that battle too. I remained on the plane with my life being ripped from my view of reality and surrounded by strangers. Some of which looked at me with sorrow. Some with curiosity. Some with irritation and those with compassion didn't just look, they held me. Me, someone who meant nothing to them but at that moment my needs appeared to mean everything to them. The same thing happened again on the 2nd leg of my flight. I was seated next to a woman whose bag read "we will carry the burden of others" A scripture quote from Genisis. Half way through the flight she asked me if she could pray for me. (could have been because I was crying ....oh...for about..... THE ENTIRE FLIGHT)! The kindness didn't stop with the plane ride back to California. I called some friends to talk to in an attempt to have some clarity on the recent turn of events. Those who know me also know that it is extremely difficult for me to ask for help. I am forever indebted to those of you who have carried me emotionally. Many who read this may not know that I was left with $100 to fend for myself. That is what 13 years of marriage will get ya......ONE HUNDRED BUCKS!! (for now anyway) For all you mathematicians out there, that is about $7.69 per year worth of "love". If I am being honest, I do need to tell you that I did end up with a little bit more but it is gone now. Had to give it to the attorney along with the borrowed money. With that tid-bit of information that rest will make more sense. My friends offered me credit cards to purchase a plane ticket back to "the rock of hell" (which I will now refer to as ROH) they offered me money to live on, a place to stay. Many spent their days trying to find me legal help. Others cried with me in utter disbelief. Some just listened and offered condolences. Some have given me thousands of dollars for legal fees and a place to stay. Some of these friends I have known only for a short time and some I have known for over 35 years. I also have the friends who mean well but can't get involved for reasons I appreciate and understand. I do have to admit however, that a few have sorely disappointed me. These were friends who I thought would be wise and insightful and they have proven to be distant and clearly not who I currently can turn to for strength. I must say I have a new found appreciation for what my father told me of friendship. He always told me that your friends come out when you need them. He said you may not hear from them for a while but your true friends will always be there to hold you up when you least expect it and when you are needing them the most. I always knew he was wise. I am just sorry I had to find out this way.

Have you every wondered what you would do if your life was turned upside down? Have you thought about what you would do if you had to start over? Have you ever even considered that the life you are living could be a summation of lies and scewed perception? Have all you moms out there ever imagined that your little rays of light, your kids, could be taken from you without cause? Could you ever imagine it being necessary to petition the courts to see your kids on Mother's Day because your spouse filed federal kidnapping accusations against you? All of this collectively or all of this separately..............I never even considered it.